Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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