Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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