Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
