you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
