I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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