she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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