Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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