I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Bring me that man meat
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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