don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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