Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
