At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
