this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
