well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
