we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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