Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
