i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
