How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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