Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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