I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
