My nipple is on Facebook.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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