He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
