If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
