I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
