you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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