i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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