Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize