My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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