You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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