We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
