Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone signed my nipple.
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