I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like eating out sand paper
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
