Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
