Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
