tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
