I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
