I want to walk on stilts...naked
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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