New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
