I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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