I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Houston, we have a squirter
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
