You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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