You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
smell my finger.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know her cup size but not her name....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
