Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
