He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
