I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
