it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
