as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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