Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
