She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
