i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
