I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
