It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
