i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
