Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
