If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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