Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
