The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
