You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
