Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
