Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
