My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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