he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
